Warning! Rant on gyms and fatness follows.

I was sitting on the bus this morning listening to my ipod and trying to take a nap but something wasn’t allowing my brain to push the pause button. That’s when I decided that I needed some sort of release. Starting tonight after work, I am going back to the gym. No, it has nothing to do with New Year’s resolutions. I don’t make them. I think they are pointless because January 1st is really just another arbitrary date on a calendar – we’ll ignore the fact that it’s one of my 12 favorite days. Federal holiday anyone? Anyway, this buildup of, of, of I don’t exactly know what to call it, tired of being lazy? Tired of my clothes not fitting right? Tired of feeling like people are staring at me and judging me because my clothes are a little snug? Tired of all my doubts and insecurities? Tired of people being all jackassery and stupid? Well, whatever it is, it all escalated yesterday and the final straw was walking to the bus yesterday afternoon in the freezing rain. I was standing on the curb waiting for the light so I could cross and this car came FLYING by in the right lane driving right through a puddle and splashed me from head to toe, as if I wasn’t freezing and uncomfortable enough. UGH! How annoying people are. And for the record, the guy in the Camry totally had all lanes to himself and could have moved over so as not to splash me. And then I was in a funk for the rest of the night. Well, at least until the Duke game came on and Sydney and I sat on the couch together watching. I love Mommy Daughter quality time. I was proud she made it to halftime before she started rubbing her eyes. And watching Doug play Guitar Hero was amusing too. Don’t worry, I took pictures and will share them soon!

So where was I? Oh right. I made up my mind to go back to the gym tonight after work, ignoring the fact that it is going to be overcrowded with all the resolutioners there. Also ignoring the fact that I could just pop in my pilates dvd at the house or do any other number of dvd workouts in the comfort of my own home. But my problem with that is I’m too self-conscious and don’t want anyone watching me exercise, which Doug will inevitably do. And there are too many distractions for me there. The tv, refrigerator, Sydney, Doug, the countless queue of books waiting for me to read. So the gym it is. Where I can escape in the middle of the crowd with my ipod. Where noone knows me and everyone is too self-absorbed to pay attention to or care about the poor girl huffing and puffing away on the elliptical because it’s been a good *cough* 17 months *cough* since I’ve done any real form of exercise, yet I've been paying $39.99/month for the duration of my laziness. No wonder I've been feeling like crap.